What you are seeing is a solution. This may seem like a strange image to be a bonafide solution, but I assure you this is the only possible resolution to a problem I have been having since the very dawn of our marriage. Allow me to defend myself prior to a quick approaching accusation. My memory for a variety of things is impeccable. Often Kaje will ask me about the location of a innocuous item and I can relate to her its exact position down to its distance to surrounding walls, objects, or other identifying factors. So this problem is particularly frustrating. I have that belt every morning, which has resulted in me being late for work on more than 10 occasions, and the purchasing of 1 or more belts on the way to work only to return them on the way home after Kaje inevitable locates my old belt. So after being extra late today I decided to drive a nail into the wall and hang my belt in plain sight. However, I can almost promise you I will spend at least 5 minutes looking for it before I wake Kaje up and ask her where it is, only to remember seconds before she replies cutting her off and retrieving it.

Road trip. The first and last I have taken to date. Tyler Weirs and myself left Ohio with scarcely a days notice on a cross country odyssey to bring my eldest sister a little gem of American Engineering. More about that in forthcoming photos. Lets zero in on this one for the time being. The Grand Canyon. This picture was taken there. We found a cliff just past the fences meant to keep people from falling to their deaths and I thought it would be a great photo opp. Naturally Tyler agreed with this sentiment, so we hopped over and head down. When I say cliff what I don't mean is a slope, slant, gradient, ramp, or declivity, I mean a shear drop of around 75 feet. If there is no chance a strong wind or slippery rock can't mean you immediate and painful death, I don't believe you can really enjoy the natural beauty of place. Also, we peed into the Canyon the night before (no not at the same time). I can not explain this decision. The edge of this outcrop seemed particularly dangerous as it already had a crack in it, so I did this.

Upon stopping in at a Lowes for some building materials I decided to take a quick trip to the bathroom, I seem to be unable to leave a Lowes without using the rest they are meticulously checked and cleaned throughout the day. Anyway upon entry into the stall I found this newspaper. I thought to myself, well that's great, a bit of good news to go with all the bad surrounding the job markets. Well done Florida you've managed to keep more employees alive this year than in the last 28. 28.... Hmmm, for some reason that number stuck in my head. In fact is was something I thought about the entire day because I wondered if it was significant somehow. Well the Government has been good enough to post all it's recorded findings since the country started keeping track on one of their many web sites. Turns out 1982 does have a significant impact on that number, you see that was the last time unemployment has been as high as it is now. I guess that should've been obvious from the first reading of the headline. Florida I take my applause back, you can't keep workers safer you just have less of them to kill.

I know what you're thinking, do I run or do I hide? It doesn't matter, she will find you. Ferret out all the cowards who run and hide and drag them kicking and screaming to where ever she is told to. This 4 foot 9 inch nightmare is simply a force of nature, both an unstoppable force and a immovable object. Just look into those deep blue unforgiving eyes, but don't stare to long or she'll have you to, and you don't want to enter into that world of. You just trust me on that one.

It was a dark and story night. Well actually it wasn't. The wind was howling and torrents of rain hammered the country side. That never happened. What did happen was the fulfillment of a childish desire to experience the agri-tainment industry at its fullest minus children and people in general (spanish pronunciation hen-ner-ral). This was taken in the middle of the night at the farm Kaje and I worked last summer. Let me just say I found out a few things about myself that night. One - no matter how tough I think I am a corn maze at midnight will always convince me that there are 40 plus rapists lurking in the next row. 2 - miniature ponies with absolutely bite off your finger if you feed them a carrot. 3 - hay mazes rock and are just cozy. 4 - a variety of painted plywood with the faces cut out can provide me with child like glee for literally hours.

Be careful, I saw it right over that ridge. So horrible, so many spiney purtrutions. Taint seen one in a long time, but my long standin fued with the vile critters draws them to me on mass. I fought them from coast to cost often with little more than the good lord gave me (nude i mean). It's really a matter of blendin, they are masters of camouflage, so i gotsta be better, i must become one with these tires, blend in and strike and the opportune moment. Fur when it comes to the Chupacabra it's just you and.... the Chupacabra....

-Beau

What we are looking at here is snapshot of one of the many times during my highschool days where I thought I was really cool. Because what could be cooler than strapping a mask that limits visibility and climbing a half rotted tree in the middle of the night? Well I'll tell you, having your friend snap a picture with a high power flash so you can show all your friends how freaky you can be. What never entered into my mind was this. I could barely see, I was in a very old tree, and the little visibility I had was completely destroyed by that the flash on that canon 3.1 megapixel camera. So what did I do, the only thing I could, climbed higher to be cooler. Unfortunately in my excited one more thing didn't occur to me, those dried out and weak branches were thinner, drier, and weaker the higher you went. I made it about 10 more feet before snap and was able to make great time getting down. Somewhere between .2 and .7 seconds according to witnesses. Me and about 1/16 of the tree's total mass smashed into the ground from about 16 feet up. I made it out with a large number of scratches, bruises, and the wind completely knocked out of me. The tree lost several limbs.

What you are seeing in this picture is the object of much of a massive amount of my affections. No not the kid (though i do like Ben) I spook of that white and blue rolling slice of heaven he is riding. This essentially represents my first taste of freedom, my first chance to ride on the wild side, my first wheels. Though a variety of concussions and varies head related trauma prevent me from remembering details concerning this little blue hot rod, I have it on good authority that this is the first girl I slept with (I believe it's appropriate to refer to a vehicle a "girl" in colloquial English). Though I have no memory of the wind blowing through my then golden mane, whenever I see the thing it drums up some deep seeded affection, the same I feel when I see pictures of my first dog or Gladdus. Here's to you scooter, lost but not forgotten, once again your likely lead filled plastic wheels are eating up the miles with the aid of callused tiny feet.

I shouldn't be left alone. I have said that before and will continue to say it. When left alone my brain starts to wander. Things that would otherwise seem outlandish or inappropriate start to seem like good ideas. Like making a lawn chair out of snow, putting on my sister's bikini top, a pair of floaties, and a umbrella and convincing a lovely grandparent to venture out into a placid white landscape to photograph a rather odd sight. This last part took far less convincing and explanation than I was prepared to give. My guess is that after 15 or 16 years of dealing with me she simply understood. I think this was the first/last time I was allowed to stay home alone during spring break trips. I don't know if the decision to do this had something to do with the 16 or so mountain dew and pepsi's i had consumed, or perhaps the even pound of Lorna-doone i topped it off with, but to those who think narcotics are mood altering I dare you to take a ride on that roller coaster.

Here we are afforded that rare glimpse at what might have been. Who is this little emo-bound monster? She is a young lady who at one point was bound for the dark side. Falling to the temptation of fan girl status and the complete respect and admiration of her older brother. Alas she was not to be turned. This brief stint in camo hoodies and light sabers was to little to late. She was already being lured into a far darker existence of hair, makeup, and Twilight. This young lady is about to head off to college and I have no idea how she grew up from my side kick into her own little person, but I find I am proud and a little depressed to see she no longer needs a saber.

This is the picture of a man incapacitated. While it might be impossible to strongarm him into submission, he can, on occasion, be convinced by whatever wiles possible to put himself into a situation that demeans his strength considerably. In this circumstance, it was in preparation of a hike/camping trip, during which he would spend one night out in the wilds of Ohio. Though his smile remains calm, in his eyes you see the recognition of his precarious situation, like a wild animal caught in a trap. It's calm exterior regards the situation and analyzes seconds before it attacks or plays dead. I'd like to say this man rallied his strength and escaped; however, his failing to notice the small orange cat of terror was his downfall. Shortly after this, he was jumped, licked, and cuddled with, and though he managed to leave the tight green container with his life, he did not leave it with his sanity. He can be found in a small, low-end corner of Orlando, Florida, where he continues to cage animals for a living, trying to amount for some kind of restitution.

This is what the kids call "tricked out." It represents 2 ish years of male bonding and a lot of hack/slash electrical work. It started as a simple project, from what I remember a teacher had his bench removed from the hall and we we're going to make him a new one, simple right? well as with almost everything i decide to get involved into it grew into a multi-year ordeal and the finished product had almost nothing in common with the original vision. (IE the film Snow: ask me what is was supposed to be if you have about an hour)I think the only original component is the periodic table. However, I don't believe it was intended to be wood burned into the bench. The bench has a complete stereo system, the cd player contained within an arm and a pair of 16x9's mounted in custom boxes on the bottom. Neon embedded around the periodic table, on the back, and underneath all set to pulse to different frequencies ranges. The legs and feat are modeled after the real thing, one even has a tattoo memorializing a unwanted mascot. If you ever want to behold this marvel of American ingenuity it can be found in a youth room, in a small church in a smaller town.

For some of you a lot of suspicions are confirmed by this photo of my forearm so I hate to immediately disappoint your lengthy cognition on the subject but I am not a cutter. On a side note, I think its weird that there are 2 p's in disappoint. I digress, these wounds were inflicted upon me by a viscous and destruction feline that goes by the name of Dexter and shares many traits with the main character of a show by the same name. This picture was taken after they had a chance to heal and the blood wasn't flowing unchecked. This got really interesting when I went to work that day. In an effort to avoid making people think I was a cutter I wore a long sleeve hoodie, however it was a bit to short (I don't own much clothing from the sweat family of garments) so people kept catching glances of deep furrows carved into my flesh. This had the effect of undermining my efforts to avert concern and in fact amplified not only the curiosity but the conviction that I was inflicting these unsightly slices on myself because of my efforts to hide them. It took about 3 weeks to get everyone straightened out through a series of awkward conversations and a thorough flaunting of my injury. Next time I'm just buying gauze and saying I got mugged.

Look at these young thugs. No doubt they just got back from robbing a liquor store and decided to graduate on a lark. Thugs have larks. What do those hats say? Nemaks if my eyes and 4X zoom doesn't betray me. Isn't that the same company that made the internationally viewed Snow (we had a youtube hit from Uruguay so it counts). I think it is. My my, what a film it was. Nearly 2 years of production it was an epic vision, literally spanning townships, with a budget of over 400 dollars. The film made us laugh, made us cry, and made us wonder why it took so long. Th biggest question remains, when will we see the next great piece of cinema history from these two high rollers?

Please gentlemen beguile us with special effects and your trademarked improv style.(I fully understand and revel in the fact that this is blatant narcissism)

Who is this handsome man you ask? Well this is the origin of a character that most of us know as Beauregard. This is Beau before Beau. In fact this was halloween in the dorms and armed with no more than a pair of purple pj's graciously gifted to me from my eldest sisters, a lavish mullet, and a well placed walmart bag-O-treats a legend was born. At this point I had a girlfriend which freed me up to dress like a pedophile. Weird choice for sure but what did I have to lose right? Dignity? never had it. Respect? Wasn't after it. Pride? Well we are all proud of different things aren't we.

Who is this budding bombshell you ask? This is one Elizabeth. What exactly is happening here? Excellent questions, it's a bit hard to explain as this came from a time of analog editing in my short time as a wood be film maker. This picture came hot on the heals of a english class project I edited with 3 VCR's 2 video cameras and a MP3 player that yes, predated the ipod. I fell victim to a trend now all to common with those few individuals that now are lucky enough to receive their 15 minutes via the viral market. With the huge success of my first short I quickly endeavored to repeat my success with questionable results. So I made a music video to this song.

Theirs was much better, mine turned out a bit creepy. I would've posted it here but I haven't the slightest Idea what happened to it. If you have it hang onto it, when I'm famous you'll be able to sell it on ebay for thousands without question. Or to TMZ if you prefer I be mocked without mercy. Your choice.

This was taken at a place most of you know- Cedar Point. Despite the fact I am an avid roller coaster rider/lover, sometimes even I scream with pure terror while on a particularly breathtaking ride. It just so happens this was taken on Magnum, a ride which, I thought at the time, was a lazy little kiddie coaster. Why did I come to this conclusion, you ask? Because, being the coaster aficionado that I am, I saw small lapbelt, the man wearing his hat on the ride (a big no no for intense coasters unless you really hate the hat and want to lose it) and the apparently small circle of tracks followed by the smallest drop ever. So, I get on the ride with the assumption I'm in for a relaxing 2 minutes.

Then the ride started. We went around the circle, as slow as I thought it would be. We went over the tiny drop. Yawn. And then suddenly we were going up- slowly, yes, but much higher and higher and then...we came to the realization that this was a bit more than we had bargained for. I tore my sunglasses off and managed to stuff them into my pocket before we tore down the rather steep drop and zoomed off for a breathless minute ride, tearing up and town, around, and even into a few tunnels. Right before said tunnel was the official spot of the picture.

Now, to explain the face...scary roller coasters just down frighten me. Unless you happen to be blindsighted, in which case catching your breath is impossible. I was screaming, gasping for breath, and screaming again, to the point where my scream was noiseless. It was in the middle of that breathless scream that this picture was taken.

This photo is more of a cautionary tale than anything else. However, I don't much care to spin a complex allegory and tax your minds unduly with a doubtless compelling narrative constructed to convey a deeper truth. So we'll skip it, the moral is that you shouldn't take other peoples stuff, cover it in a entire can of axe body spray, and assume because you locked your door and you're in a girls dorm that vengeance wont reign down on you. It will be swift, it will be complete, and it will be devastating. These stuffed animals were never seen again.

It was a simpler time. One day in a house I lived in years ago an idea happened. That idea came about via this thought process; ball pits were great when we were kids, ball pits should be great as adults, we should get some multicolored polyurethane balls, but where? craigslist. So 3 city searches later 4 30gal trash bags of free balls were located, and best part is they were free. rapture. They were acquired and returned to the house where an impromptu ball pit was created by simply pushing the couches together. Now the plan was always to attain a sufficient number of these spherical wonders to fill the garage to a height of 3 to 4 feet. Given the size of the garage in question that would be about 770 cubic feet, the ball put created with 4 trash bags was around 27 cubic feet, that means we need roughly 110 more free garbage bags of goodness to achieve our goals. This number was never considered, it took the work of mere minutes to find 5 bags, the rest would simply fall into our laps. However, as with most endeavors of college men we forgot. The remnants of our brilliant scheme can still be found in nooks and little seen crannies of that home on Ardmore St to this day.

This dog has a pretty interesting history, his name is hippo and he was supposed to die. Hippo was born with a birth defect that shouldn't have let him live very long at all, but this picture seems to suggest that this wasn't the case. Now you can choose to believe that he survived because of luck, or genetics, but I think it was because of a prayer request to a entire church. Hippo was a dog that decided we were his humans. Dad never really intended to keep him, but Hippo had no intention to leave. So when hippo find a new home a few miles up the road, he simply assumed a mistake must have been made and decided to break the chain and head home. What a good dog. So you can imagine his confusion when he was hauled right back, you'd think he'd get the point, but he wasn't in the business of points. So one damaged chain and a few miles later he was back looking as happy as could be with himself. He lived a long and good life, had a lot of bark but was more or less a coward, and always a good dog. (minus one guinea pig incident.)

This is what I found when I got home today. Apparently this is what it looks like to be neutered. He seems a bit crushed, but I am told this will make for a happy life in the long run as to noticeably reduce the risk of several cancers and keep him from preoccupation with physical contact. I'm not sure he thinks the benefits are worth the trade, but time will tell.

These are bats. Somewhere between 3 to 5 hundred. This accounts for about 5 percent of the total amount in the building in question. I have to wear a respirator when I'm around them because the large amount of fecal matter contains to airborne pathogens that would likely put me in the hospital at the very least. There was still enough urine and feces to make my eyes burn 4 hours after the fact. Also I got to kick in a door to get in the room pictured above, cross that off the bucket list.
Bat Fact: Bats account for the majority of cases of rabies in the first world countries some say as much as 90%. The guys i was working with called me Batman while on this job, I could take offense that they didn't know my name, but I choose to believe they saw the potential of superherodom in me.

Wedding Picture

This pic was taken shortly after I saw Kaje in her wedding dress for the first time. You can still see the stunned expression painted into the lines on my face. To explain why I appear so enamored I think you'll need a little background on just how I look at this woman. Kaje immediately captivated my interest from the first time I saw her. The way she moves speaks of a en grained grace that's 1 part natural and 3 parts earned. The grace born of a woman who has trained her entire life as a dancer. She holds herself with a confidence of a person who has been through struggles and never let her lip quiver or her chin drop. What this means is that she not only had my respect the time I met her but my admiration. What this dress did was to magnify all that body language that exudes strength, grace and poise. I was no match.