Winston was the only good one.

This is just stupid, and it makes me want to punch the Queen. We threw you off this continent for a reason England. You engage is frumped up self satisfying idiocy like this. You lost the original thirteen because you couldn’t move beyond outdated concepts (lining up while Americans riddled you with bullets from cover because it was how wars were fought) so why more than 2 centuries later are you still messing with Royals? Sweet idea. Be financially and culturally burdened by idiots who are largely ignored day to day and are only noticed when they do something as stupid as wearing a Nazi uniform to a Halloween party. Fix your teeth.

So Buttery.

Let me start by saying I love any product that is a borderline FCC violation if spoken out of context on network television. That being said this may be the single most intriguing product I have ever run across in Walmart. I made a point of not looking up any facts or ingredients that weren’t listed on the front of the box because it is way more fun to speculate. What can be seen lets you know some of the highlights, that it has essential “milk” proteins, and is made with “organic” ingredients. Personally I willfully believe that it is made from gallons of breast milk churned in an old fashioned butter churner. Which I ordered from Amazon (I love the internet age) last night, as I began slowly stealing ounce by ounce from my child’s bottles in order to churn out some of my own. I am not sure what I am going to do with it, certainly not spread it on toast.

Barefoot Redneck

Florida. As far as I’m concerned it’s just another way to spell class. Where else in this beautiful hodgepodge of states can you find a gas station where the floor is so clean that you can walk on it barefoot with no fear? Given the tan lines I assume the barefoot revolution is a recent addition to his personal paradigm, but the jean shorts and sleeveless T (not pictured) seem to be long staples. He also appears to comb his shoulder hair, or his “deltoid mane” as it is colloquially known.

Mom and Dad Shine.

Well mom and dad, you finally made it. Your star is going to shine and shine bright, and apparently the smell can also be sensed for miles. I bet 5 years ago you would’ve never thought your names would be out there for anyone on Netflix to see. I hear Hoarders is a big ratings getter as well, so you can be assured that millions of eyes will be drawn to the spectacle. You know, I considered taking the time to write a tiny description of what people could except to view, but goodness if the description isn’t modern poetry.