This picture is not from this weekend, I completely forgot to take pictures this weekend. I typically don’t celebrate my birthday. I had a reason for this, however, I don’t remember clearly what that was, but after several years of not celebrating I just sort of kept the trend going. Kaje seems to be determined to break me of that habit. Which is nice of her. This year she made some progress towards that goal. She slowly over the week revealed hints about what I was going to be doing this past weekend, granted I did my best to figure it out, and I got some of it. However, she still managed to pull some things over on me. Long story short she contacted my boss a while ago and got me Saturday off, which made me crazy because I had many things that needed to be done. I found out earlier in the week she was planning on sending me to a huge airsoft park to spend the afternoon doing something I haven’t done since high school and learned I still love to do. However, I do not like going to that sort of thing by myself, it is boring when you don’t know anyone, and is very hard when no one is watching your back. So when I got home Friday night I was very surprised to find Brad sitting on my couch. She had worked this out with him months back and he flew into town early Friday to spend the weekend with us. Nostalgic doesn’t begin to cover it. I will say that brad and I are pretty rusty at the whole paintball/airsoft thing, but we fell into the old rhythm pretty quick and had a blast shooting 9 year olds with plastic bb’s. (ok so there was an age range from 8 to some dude that was 65) but I think I got a 8 year and a 17 year old, and brad got some guy whose age I couldn’t tell because of the face mask. After the afternoon of combat we headed out to Medieval Times. Even with the huge traffic jam that threatened to push me into stage 2 hypertension, I love that place and it is one of my favorite memories from junior high/high school/spring break (I’ve gone a lot). It was a blast and the first time I have really kicked back and done a bunch of stuff I like to do in….. I’m not sure how long, but it’s been a long time. Thanks again Kaje, it was a great weekend.

What in the world am I looking at? This picture really does beg the question. Oh, don't bother zooming in on the eyes, I already tried that, they are far to out of focus. I have been attempting to figure out what I was looking at by a detailed analysis of my expression. It appears to be conditional approval with undertones of mild disgust. These are the things I have posited; 1. It is possible that my wife asked for a foot massage, this is a frequent request and one I am always ready to oblige. However, given the location and her tendency to walk around sans footwear, perhaps a rather uninviting substance (fecal material) was caked to her instep and the camera caught be just as I was processing the information. This seems perhaps a to mild expression for such a thing so I present 2. The five second rule is something I have often taken liberty with over the years. For some food items it can be extended based on surroundings and overall preservative content of the edible substance in question. Example: a PB&J can not be consumed if dropped in virtually any soil, on the flipside a chicken nugget could be lodged in the crack of the rear seat of a mini-van for nearly a month and still be perfectly fine... I know. I digress, so what is more likely is something I was consuming and very much enjoying hit the ground and was in less than prime condition. The part of my brain that knows better than to consume the item was most likely grappling with the side of my brain that is most often in control pushing for the "can't be that bad, give it a shot" way of life.

now, I spoke with emily about this because my first inclination was to mock her mercilessly, what I found out is far stranger. You see emily sent us a very nice gift for are yet to be named offspring and the card in the box was this one. I began to chuckle almost immediately. You see this would be an awesome card if I was sending it to her, because her name's on it.... Again, I chuckled. Come to find out my sister received these as a gift from someone, and while the cards appeared to be made professionally. It begs the question of the gift giver assumed em was gonna use these for. I guess if you really wanted to let people know how awesome you were before they even read the card. What I believe is that you give these to people when you give them presents, with a envelope with prepaid postage of course. This makes sure you are properly thanked for your grandiose gesture. Or if you're normal like em you send them to family, because it seems strange to use them at all, and hope they don't throw it out on the internet for anyone to see....

Walmart employees are a special kind of stupid. I know that you know this already, but this is one of those shining examples not only stupid behavior, but that 2 parts dumb 1 part apathetic quality that really defines the walmartians. If an object this size slid down my checkout line I believe there would be 3 options. 1: don’t bother bagger the item at all, it’s obviously to big and it would be stupid to do so. 2: if I had one of those gigantic oversized bags I would use that. 3: rather than use the medium size bag this troglodyte opted for, get the largest standard bag and fold it in half. I mean it is a pillow the smart money is on it holding its post folding.

I originally took this picture because the idea of the slogan being used for toilets struck me a bit funny. The picture feels providential at this point, because to post a picture of the actual topic would be disgusting. Background: we had a outlet short out that wouldn’t come back on with a simple breaker flip. So an electrician came out and fixed it, which allowed me to use my bathroom again. So yesterday I went in to get a shower and the bowl was filled with murky green water that conjured nightmarish images of the swamp thing. I said nothing about this. I did not know if pregnancy could cause such horror, and I was not going to risk asking. The next day it blew again. So the guy comes back, blames kaje quite rudely, so she heads to her room so she doesn’t yell at this idiot. While there she notices he is in the hallway (no where near the problem), but thinks nothing of it. Side note: the toilet would not flush the murk away and we did not have a plunger so it had to still till I could get home with one. That is important because we I went to use the other bathroom I lifted the seat a sea monster the side of a yard stick was actually peeking out of the water. Think on that….. ridiculous. Ok, at this point I risked the preggy wrath and confronted her. I don’t mind if that sort of disaster happens, but she could flush. When I did she looked surprised and laughed. So I mentioned the other incident. The toilet was still clogged when he came the second time, forcing him into the other bathroom. In 3 days this animal destroyed two toilets. The first thing they say to any person in a service position is never to use the customers restroom, bold move, and what was left behind can’t be described as anything but powerful. If he ever comes back I am going to wait till he gets started and do the same to his front seat.

here's they original.

This is one of the more interesting pieces of bathroom literature I have come across in some time. Simple, to the point, but somewhat aloof about what exactly it is attempting to imply. Is this a record of past events? An attempt to document an exciting and or tragic happening in this very bathroom? Is it instruction? Or a slogan? I don't really claim to know. However, I will say this, the penmanship is impeccable. The script both enjoyable an unique, I would like to scan this and create a font.

I wave at dogs. This is a strange statement to make. There is nothing inherently strange about it I guess. However, it is something that more oft than not results in strange looks. You see I don’t just wave at any old dog, I seem to have developed the habit of waving to dogs out on their daily walk. The scene typically unfolds thusly: I’ll be driving through a neighborhood on my way to pick up one animal or another, and a beautiful dog will be dragging some ugly slob around, the dog will look at me with that big dog grin and before I can stop it my hand shoots up and waves frantically. My eyes will then drift back to the person walking the dog who is doing 1 of 2 things. Staring at me like I’m a freak which snaps me out of my daze and makes me think of how strange my actions appeared. Or the person is waving back assuming I am waving at them, at which point I almost was glare back with a look of disgust that perfectly translates my thought “I wasn’t waving at you, you dumb slob, I was waving at the dog.” I actually get annoyed every time I catch someone waving back at me. I realize moments after staring them down how ridiculous the encounter must seem from their end, but really why would I wave at someone I’ve never even met.

A man, I am one. Better believe that. Sometimes a man needs to feel things that may not exactly be manly. Sometimes a man just needs to feel a little pretty. This certainly doesn’t mean it should happen everyday, or even every year, but from time to time you need to bath in a sea of stuffed animals. It’s not weird. It would be weird if it I did it everyday, or took a bubble bath afterward. I can assure however, that I engaged in masonry, wood working, and the greasing of varies engine parts immediately following the instance that led to this photo, so it’s cool. You do stuff you think might be perceived as weird too sometimes. I know you do, I watched you do it.